1
00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:02,540
Well, hello to you, my old chums.

2
00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:07,400
What a veritable thrill to see you all again. Particularly you, cheeky!

3
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,280
Let me get you up to speed.

4
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:14,040
Previously in my life, the gorgeous Gary upped his sticks to Hong Kong.

5
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:19,080
Which I've been fine about. I mean, I don't think it's weird making fruit friends.

6
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,960
Things only ever went wrong when I was with Gary anyway.

7
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,600
- This is the place, come on!
- Woo-hoo!

8
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,120
Ooh, it looks great!

9
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,440
Say nothing. Shush, please.

10
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,400
No, I'm fine.

11
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,840
Tired, but that's because I've been sleeping on a lilo because my bed broke. Too much action!

12
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,960
MUSIC: "Reach For The Stars" by S Club 7

13
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:58,760
And if I have been down, I definitely turned a corner last night.

14
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,400
SHE SINGS DRUNKENLY

15
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,200


16
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:15,240
It's too high, Daniel, and it's unnaturally high for a man.

17
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,920
Right, let's jolly on with the show.

18
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,800
- Hello, Stevie.
- Oh, dear.

19
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,720
Oh, your new stock keeps bringing in these posh girls.

20
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:41,440
- Are you disparaging Stevie's boutique corner?
- No...maybe.

21
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,160
I don't know what disparaging means.

22
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,680
- Mocking.
- Oh, then yes.

23
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:52,320
"Yah, I'm going to see Hugo, Wills, Milly, Billy and Bella so need a new trinkety necklace."

24
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:55,000
Hello.

25
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,720
Are you making fun of me?

26
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,400
No, no, what do you mean?

27
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,760
This is how I speak.

28
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,520
So, do you need any help?

29
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,840
It's quite tricky.

30
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,840
Anything you'd like to try on?

31
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,320
No, fine, thanks.

32
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,640
Have you looked in the mirror recently?

33
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:18,840
Come on, you've got to get your act together, Miranda. Stop wallowing.

34
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,680
- I have stopped wallowing. I've told you, I've moved on.
- Good.

35
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:26,320
So you won't want to see Gary's postcard that came this morning.

36
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:31,280
A lovely postcard written in Gary's lovely, fair hand.

37
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:38,200
- Oh, dear! Do you concede? 
- Yes, I concede.
- Thank you.

38
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,880
"Hey, really enjoying life out here so far.

39
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:45,720
"Plans all a bit up in the air. Thinking of you all. Love G."

40
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:50,000
That's it? After three months he sends me that?

41
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,640
Right, well, forget him. Seriously.

42
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:55,680
- Good girly. 
- I will move on. I will be a new me.

43
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,800
Get fit, lose weight.

44
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,600
A new me shall reigneth.

45
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:04,320
Like a phoenix emerging from the ashes of my old life and flapping off.

46
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,360
Behold! I am woman. And Phoenix. Both.

47
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,760
But not in a mutanty way.

48
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:13,320
And yes, I have indeed lost my train of thought.

49
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,840
Oh, no, it's Tilly.

50
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:20,640
Buongiorno peeps. Ugh, Stevie, looks like there's a tramp in the shop.

51
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:24,000
Where? Oh, the tramp is me.

52
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,960
You have majorly let yourself go. Slackarooni cheese.

53
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:31,760
So, Queen Kong, I bring good tidings of great joy.

54
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:36,880
Stinky Von Tusse is in town and she wants to luncheonate at the new Sushi place. Will you come?

55
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,440
It's going to be tremendulent.

56
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:43,280
Stinky was the most brillo head girl ever.

57
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,320
Once...do you remember?

58
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,240
She Immacked a squirrel!

59
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,280
It was the funniest thing.

60
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,960
You'll come, you'll come?

61
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,400
No hush, no hush, no hush, no hush up, you have to come.

62
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,720
So I don't look the saddo in front of Stinkles. Yes!

63
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,280
OK, I am now going to power walk back to the orifice.

64
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,440
Cha, cha cha, cha cha, kerpow!

65
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:14,280
You've got to be more assertive, Miranda. What about the new you?

66
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,720
She'll start on Monday.

67
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:20,520
Don't judge me with your little eyes, I've been very depressed.

68
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,000
(SHE SOBS) I've been very depressed!

69
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,440
Look at the state of me.

70
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:30,280
Watching telly all day with friends made of fruit.

71
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:31,920
Are you enjoying it, Gordon?

72
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:38,440
I look like a tramp. I've got to go to Tilly's lunch, Gary's gone.

73
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,760
I suppose it couldn't get worse.

74
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,600
Darling, I've left your father and I'm coming to live with you.

75
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,640
Oh, Mum. Not again?

76
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:53,240
He's bound to crawl back tomorrow. It's nude fondue night.

77
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:58,320
Don't worry, darling, you won't even notice I'm here.

78
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,720
Guaranteed I'll be so irritated I'll have to leave in under 30 seconds.

79
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,000
Set your watches... go.

80
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,680
- Have you been cutting your own hair? 
- Three seconds, already annoyed.

81
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:12,000
And look at all this. You should have a bath, then get some air,

82
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,040
have a lovely what I call walk.

83
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,240
It IS a walk.

84
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,120
- Mum...
- Sorry, won't interfere.

85
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,920
- If she calls the remote controls a silly name...
- You'll have to show me how to work these.

86
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:30,160
- Who needs three doobries?
- Right! That's it. Why's it so annoying? 20 seconds.

87
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,080
Doobries!

88
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:39,000
So, forget Monday, look, I'm starting now.

89
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,880
Are you ready to speak to Heather?

90
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:46,360
- Please go ahead.
- What have you done today to make you feel proud?

91
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,920
- Heather, Miss Heather Small, hello to you.
- Hello.

92
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:53,080
Today I have begun the new me.

93
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,200
Mum and Tilly won't know what's hit them.

94
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,480
I'm going to be the kind of woman who

95
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:02,680
leaps out of bed and just does that, and their hair looks perfect.

96
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:07,720
They then grab a home made muffin out of their Cath Kidston polka dot biscuit tin

97
00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:14,320
and head to work, wearing trainers at the bottom of a skirt suit to show off they've power walked in.

98
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,440
They have pot plants that don't die on them.

99
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:22,120
Their fruit bowl isn't full of three-week-old rotting pears because they actually eat the fruit.

100
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:25,920
They have day bags, evening bags and a clutch.

101
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:29,520
They just grab a wheatgerm smoothie in between work because that's enough

102
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:34,080
to keep them going, even though at lunch they jogged, and enjoyed it,

103
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:39,280
because they don't have flesh that moves independently to their main frame.

104
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:43,640
And finally, they have easy access to pens to finish a crossword

105
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:48,760
at a bar where the man they decided to take as a lover the night before

106
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,680
says to them, "Hey, last night was great."

107
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,760
You know, I'll be that kind of woman.

108
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:57,480
- Yeah, good luck with that. 
- Darling, I'm doing a whites wash,

109
00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,840
if your pants are dirty, pop them off, I'll pop them in.

110
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:08,000
Right, well, that's not the best of starts.

111
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:12,480
She'll have to go, but don't worry, the new me shall still reigneth.

112
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,200
Look at her forming before your very eyes.

113
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:23,880
Now excuse me, I'm off to have sushi with Tilly and Stinky and my new trinkety necklace.

114
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,680
A cha cha cha, a cha ch cha.

115
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,160
A cha cha cha. Ooh yeah!

116
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,240
POSH ACCENT: Eight down.

117
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,520
"Remove vehicles, reversing at back of depot."

118
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,920
Oh, well that could be van...lorry.

119
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,440
Hang on, I know this. I can so get this.

120
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:48,360
- It's...
- Sub-tract, of course. 
- Of course, of course.

121
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,480
Right, let's eat. It all looks edible von guzzlebucket.

122
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:55,680
- I'm starvington stations. 
- Yup, Hungelos McMungelos.

123
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,880
Stinky, do you remember the time that I got locked in the boot...

124
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,040
- PHONE RINGS 
- I'm sorry. Bear with, bear with, bear with...

125
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,600
Oh, fabulasmic.

126
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:35,200
VIP invite to scoffulate dans la cite.

127
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:40,920
- So, Queen Kong, what news with you? 
- Just focusing on my business.

128
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:45,400
We do trinkets and nicknaks now.

129
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,960
This is one of ours.

130
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,720
Gorge, and are we lucksville in love?

131
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:57,120
Actually, I did get a postcard from an old beau, Gary, this morning.

132
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,720
PHONE RINGS

133
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,720
Oh, bear with, bear with, bear with...

134
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:10,040
"Call now for a new tariff breakdown."

135
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,960
Oh, dear.

136
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,040
Sounds like you've lost him to his travels.

137
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,600
That's fine, because I'm totally... can I have it back? I'm so over him.

138
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,000
- You're so not over him.
- I am.
- She's so not over him.

139
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,280
I am. I'm a whole new me.

140
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:25,800
Oh, no! I'm stuck.

141
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,400
Sorry, sorry.

142
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,520
- Just undo it at the back.
- I can't. I'm so sorry, sorry.

143
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,240
Excuse me, I'm going to actually have to mount your travelator.

144
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,200
Oh, Queen Kong, you're such a dweeb.

145
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,520
Hello, afternoon.

146
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,040
I've unhooked.

147
00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:59,920
Sorry about this, sorry, sorry.

148
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:03,640
I'll just finish the circuit. Saves walking.

149
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:08,320
- Utterly mortifying. 
- Sorry about that. Can I...? Whilst I'm here.

150
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,200
Hello again.

151
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,960
Right, where were we?

152
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,400
- Leaving.
- Quick.

153
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:22,280
I could wolf a gateau but just a peppermint tea for me.

154
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:26,960
Yah, I could scoffulate a puddington but just a skinny cap, please.

155
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:33,760
I could inhale a mealy vanilly but, um...

156
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:37,000
just a crumble, please.

157
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,320
You still feeling bad about Gary?

158
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,360
Can people stop asking me that? I'm fine.

159
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,160
Good cos there's a new chef arriving any minute.

160
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,600
- I was going to tell you.
- Really?

161
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,880
Well, d'you know, that's good.

162
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,600
Now I know Gary's not coming back.

163
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:56,360
Good, gone are the days where I pathetically make an idiot of myself over some hunky chef.

164
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,880
That must be him.

165
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,920
MUSIC: Main Theme from Top Gun

166
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,680
- Clive, can you switch that music off? 
- Sorry.

167
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:21,240
- Hi. Clive, is it? 
- Yes, nice to meet you at last.

168
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,160
- Girls.
- Hola.

169
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,240
Hello.

170
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,360
Why am I curtseying?

171
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,960
I've just got to keep going now.

172
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,400
How do you do?

173
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,600
SHE FARTS

174
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,480
Sorry.

175
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,560
Sorry. That was my dog.

176
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,080
- What was?
- That noise.

177
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,800
- I thought that was a chair scraping. 
- It was.

178
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,680
Then what was your dog?

179
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,760
I don't have a dog.

180
00:11:55,760 --> 00:12:00,160
- You said the noise was your dog.
- It might have been YOUR dog.

181
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,280
- I don't have a dog.
- Well, stop saying you do.

182
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,280
Right, so everyone, this is Danny.

183
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,560


184
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:15,360


185
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:20,000
I always get Danny from Grease with the bike leathers, the accent.

186
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,840


187
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,760


188
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,560


189
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,360


190
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,760
We've stopped.

191
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,800


192
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:41,680
Sorry, it's a weirdly hard tune to stop.

193
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:44,320


194
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,440
Look, there's a thing...

195
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:55,040
Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie.

196
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,920
- I'm with much news, which I shall now birth.
- Ready to receive, caller.

197
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:03,360
A new chef has arrived at the restaurant who you could happily compare to some kind of god,

198
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:08,480
and he would be very much in the running for the new me to take as her lover.

199
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,040
But the new me is currently worse than the old me.

200
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,560
- This is not possible. 
- I farted in front of him,

201
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,600
blamed it on an imaginary dog and sung in his face.

202
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:19,800
I give up.

203
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:23,720
- Maybe you should try that life coach again.
- No, thanks.

204
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:28,680
Imagine your anxieties filling the balloon.

205
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:37,200
My anxieties are everywhere. Save yourselves!

206
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:43,040
Right, I'm going to start a spring clean, even though it is what I call, November.

207
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:50,200
- And are you getting a new bed? We can't both sleep on the lilo. 
- Maybe one of us should leave.

208
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:55,560
Where would you go? Don't worry, if nude fondue doesn't make your father want me back

209
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:58,280
then he'll be desperate for my kinky quiche.

210
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,720
Do you want me to get you a bed?

211
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,000
No, I'll get my own bed, thank you.

212
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,160
- Don't forget your keys.
- I'm not six!

213
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,960
I forgot my keys!

214
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:20,240
Don't panic, we'll force her out, what does she hate?

215
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,280
I don't know. I'm too depressed to think straight.

216
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:28,360
Ghosts, she hates ghosts. But how could that work?

217
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,520
Don't worry about me. I'll just be fine,

218
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,840
I'll just...

219
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,880
Yeah, this is nice.

220
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:44,440
- If you like the bed, there's an offer, free duvet... It's 15 tog.
- Tog.

221
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,600
It's a funny word, isn't it?

222
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,440
Yes, suppose it is.

223
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,320
Oh, those look fun.

224
00:14:54,520 --> 00:15:00,920
- All you'd need would be a ball pool to land in for mornings to be a total joy.
- Ball pool!

225
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:08,320
- Yeah, they're great for kids. 
- Yes, I wasn't thinking for me.

226
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,160
I was, I was.

227
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,600
- This is a nice one.
- Try it.

228
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,320
I'll just help this gentleman.

229
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:18,840
It's got a lovely rigid frame.

230
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,480
- The bed, not the gentleman.
- Get off!

231
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:30,920
- Excuse me, could you tell me what tog these duvets are?
- Oh, I don't...

232
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,480
- Well, 15 tog.
- And do the beds come ready assembled?
- I have no idea.

233
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:38,920
- Stop asking me questions.
- Well, there's no need for that attitude.

234
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,120
Excuse me, are you the manager?

235
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,920
- This woman has been quite rude. 
- I'm not being...

236
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:48,160
Don't argue with the customer. Must be the new girl. I'm so sorry, I'll sort this out myself.

237
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,280
- Where's your name badge? 
- Actually, there's been...

238
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,080
This must be you.

239
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:57,160
- I need...
- Don't argue back, I need you down the warehouse now, they're over-stretched.

240
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,760
- But...
- Come on, hurry up!

241
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:08,080
I think this has got a bit out of hand.

242
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,800
So, have you got a boyfriend, Sandy?

243
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,400
Sandy, that's me.

244
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,040
I don't know.

245
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:20,640
Does Sandy have a boyfriend? I'd know, wouldn't I, being Sandy?

246
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,040
Does Sandy have a boyfriend?

247
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,680
- No, she doesn't.
- Good.

248
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:30,760
Cos we were all saying yesterday, we should, like, totally renounce men. Do you know what I'm saying?

249
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:35,280
I do know what you're sayin', sounds great. I've caught her accent.

250
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:40,880
Renouncing men... Bring it on, my sisters.

251
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:44,560
Yeah, cos we don't need males. In't that right?

252
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:49,920
In't that just right, though, innit? Yeah, I've had enough of men...innit.

253
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,600
- That's it. Go, girl. 
- Oh, do you want me to go?

254
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:57,840
Oh, I see. Sorry, you go, girl. No, I go. Go me.

255
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:02,400
Cos I'm saying to myself this, Sandy, I was saying, Sandy, you,

256
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:05,600
my girl, will not be pushed around no more.

257
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:10,000
- D'you know what I mean?
- I do, yes, because I just said it.

258
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,160
What are you doing back here?

259
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:18,000
- I'm Sandy.
- No, you're not.
- Says who? 
- I do.
- Oh, do you now, you diddly doo?

260
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,720
I've gone Irish.

261
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,080
I think you should leave.

262
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:27,880
Not before I show you the bed that I want, and at a staff discount.

263
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,760
Never let them push you round, girls, yeah?

264
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,400
- D'you get me?
- Go me. Go Sandy.

265
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,720
Where have you been?

266
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,960
I did a four-hour shift at the bed shop.

267
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:45,720
But more importantly I have discovered my inner Sandy.

268
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,440
- Yo, girlfriend.
- I already like Sandy.

269
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:55,000
She's wicked. And she says, well I say, we, I, am renouncing men.

270
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,040
I'm renouncing men. Amen.

271
00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:00,600
- A man.
- A man! Sorry.

272
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,520
- I see. A man. Hello.
- Hi.

273
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,160
Clive said you worked here? Nice shop.

274
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,440
Thanks. Do you like my trinkets?

275
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:09,640
Not a euphemism.

276
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,320
I'm looking for someone to show me around.

277
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,720
Clive also said you're the only single lady in town.

278
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,480
Well, I'm also sing...

279
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:25,400
- Yeah, that's me. 
- Because you're renouncing men?

280
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:29,880
- Ah, yes.
- OK. That's a shame.

281
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,240
What are you doing? You can't renounce him!

282
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,800
I can't suddenly un-renounce, he'll think I'm odd and confused.

283
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,240
Which I am, but we must hide this.

284
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,120
Sandy isn't odd and confused. Go get your Danny.

285
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:50,800
- Oh! Sandy and Danny. And if you don't go for it, I'll whip out my allure.
- Don't even...

286
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,360
- Now, I don't like getting a no. 
- I'd say yes.

287
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,880
Are you renouncing all men? What if I asked you out tonight?

288
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:03,720
I would say, you are officially renounced but there is a clause

289
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:09,400
in my renouncement that says this. If somebody is new to an area,

290
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:14,240
and asks a woman out on the first night, the aforementioned woman

291
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:21,520
mentioned heretofore is obliged, nay commanded, nay must accept.

292
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:27,920
- That's a good clause. I like a headstrong, independent woman.
- Well, hello.

293
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,720
My last girlfriend lived with her mom. Pretty freaky, huh?

294
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:35,560
Miranda, I've washed your control pants.

295
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,720
That should suck it all back in.

296
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,360
- This is my cleaner.
- Well, excuse me.

297
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:42,920
- (He's asking me out.)
- FOREIGN ACCENT: Well, hello,

298
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:54,880
I am cleaner. Miss Penelopia.

299
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:59,720
- And where are you from?
- Poland?

300
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:05,760
And I was coming down because I needed polish.

301
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,720
Imagine. I am Polish, and I forgot my polish.

302
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:16,040
- OK, so I'll see you later. 6.30? 
- Lovely.

303
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,560
Ooooh!

304
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:28,360
- Mum, make sure you're out of the flat tonight.
- Why because he might come back?

305
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,600
He might! He might! OH, HE MIGHT!

306
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:37,800
Hurry up, he's downstairs. I can't believe you slept all afternoon.

307
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:42,040
I just meant to try my new bed. One size tights does not fit all.

308
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,040
Oh, yes, I forgot to say.

309
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:58,280
There's a massive goat in my sitting room and you just forgot to say.

310
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,640
It's good, isn't it?

311
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:04,120
You said your mum hates goats.

312
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,360
Ghosts.

313
00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:12,920
I said ghosts. Who has any strong opinions on goats?

314
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,880
I did think it was odd.

315
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,240
And you didn't check before, how?

316
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:23,880
Don't worry, I am going out, I just bought a few more things to spruce...

317
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,880
GOAT BLEATS

318
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:30,000
Scary, isn't it? Grrr, a goat.

319
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,920
- KNOCK ON DOOR 
- Hello?

320
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:33,960
Quick!

321
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:37,840
Hello!

322
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:41,000
Hi. Are you all ready?

323
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:45,800
Yes. Let me just grab my clutch... clutch bag.

324
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,600
Good word, clutch. Isn't it?

325
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,000
Yeah, clutch.

326
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,240
- BLEATING
- What was that?

327
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:57,120
M-m-m-m-me, I'm so excited.

328
00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,800
M-m-m-m-m! Shall we go?

329
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,360
W-w-w-w-wait for me-e-e-e!

330
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:12,120


331
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:14,240
Wow, what a beautiful place.

332
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:15,720
Wow!

333
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,320
- Can I use your loo?
- It's through there.

334
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,000
Did you make these? What do you use?

335
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:29,840
Umm... Flour, food...

336
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,040
hobs...nobs.

337
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,320
- Nutmeg.
- Nutmeg.

338
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,760
OH!

339
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,560
I'm a nut for nutmeg.

340
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:46,720
- Mum, what are you doing here?
- Sorry. I didn't think he'd come back. Your father's changed the locks.

341
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:50,160
Not interested. Quick, get in the bedroom.

342
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:56,080
Hello. Do you want to take a seat?

343
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,880
- Drink?
- Scotch if you have one.

344
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:03,520
I have to say I think I got you all wrong.

345
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,160
- Use the nice tumblers.
- What?

346
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:12,400
Use the nice tumblers... I said to myself.

347
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,600
OK.

348
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,560
Get out!

349
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,600
- There you go.
- Thanks.

350
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:21,240
- I'm glad you came out tonight. 
- Yes, me too.

351
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:34,320
One doesn't always feel in the mood to renounce, hence the unrenouncement clause.

352
00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:41,000
Can I get another Scotch?

353
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,160
There you go.

354
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,080
Wow. You seem to have everything under control.

355
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,080
That's very sexy.

356
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,800
Sorry, I'll have to stop you there.

357
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,560
Oh, that's disappointing. You're quite something.

358
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:02,360
- So they say.
- Can I call you?
- Sure, you've got my number.

359
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:03,640
Ciao.

360
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,680
He is in my palm.

361
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,960


362
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,760


363
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,840


364
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:24,080


365
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:27,880


366
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,840


367
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,440
To mock or belittle, nine letters.

368
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,160
Disparage.

369
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,360
Who are you?

370
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,760
Hey. Last night was great.

371
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,080
I did it!

372
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,040
Not so much a dweeb now.

373
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,560
Although there was one thing that was missing.

374
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,400
Gary!

375
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:20,440
Hi.

376
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,640
Hello.

377
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:35,240
- Gary sent the postcard after he got there but it only just arrived.
- Sorry.

378
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:41,000
And now I'm feeling teary because I've been thinking about him for months. Why's he suddenly back?

379
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,120
I think he said he got the sack. Really?

380
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:46,160
- We need to find out his situation. 
- Yes, but what do I do about...

381
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:51,560
- Listen, I've been let go. Gary's contract's still open. 
- Gary's got his job back!

382
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:56,040
- But if I'm staying, I don't want this to be awkward. 
- Awkward? This? Awkward?

383
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,920
Who's awkward? Funny word, awkward.

384
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,480
Something awkward about the word awkward.

385
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,560
Clutch!

386
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,680
No, sorry I'm cazh...

387
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,640
You're acting weird.

388
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,800
Ask Gary if he has a girlfriend.

389
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,560
So, what does your girlfriend think of you leaving Hong Kong?

390
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:22,080
- I don't have a girlfriend. 
- Gary was telling me about this job in Birmingham.

391
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,840
- I might check it out if that's cool. 
- Of course. This was only...

392
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:27,840
Ask if Gary's considered the jobs in Birmingham?

393
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:32,640
- Have you considered the joggers, that you might burn in them?
- Backfired.

394
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:37,200
I'd better go, I have a hunch I might have got in the middle of something here.

395
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,240
BOTH: Us? No, no we're just friends.

396
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:43,760
- He's only just got back from Hong Kong.
- Right.

397
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:44,920
Goodbye.

398
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:54,560
- So, things have changed a bit. 
- It's just the new me.

399
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:59,560
Miranda, I think that goat ate your bunion insole.

400
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,120
Excuse me, we need to talk about the damage to this man's restaurant.

401
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:09,520
- That's her.
- I'm Sandy, stop impersonating me or I'll report you.

402
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,680
Kid's ball pool for Miranda?

403
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,480
Welcome back.

404
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,520
I think I preferred the old you anyway.

405
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,200
Come here.

406
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,320
- Ball pool?
- Yes. Follow me.

407
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,600
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

408
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,080
Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net